Time gallops.

In this year of 2011,
I think I have an insight of my true colours.
As in, I prefer the current me.

Sometimes, the reality just give you cool splash and tons of lemons.
But who cares, every time I pray and lay my life before God,
and surrender myself so that I can live the way He wanted me to live,
I have to be crystal clear that the selfish in me has to be broken down, destroyed and demolished so that I can live a selfless life, which I can actually bless others and be more fruitful. :)

Make use of your 'lemons'! :)

Friendships have really tried on me for the past few years.
Over, over and over again, I have been wondering why do my friends always ditch me when I need them.
And why do they like to bully me and hurt me with those unreal rumours?

Am I really that lousy? I always ask myself.
But through years, I have an insight that somehow, in needy times or soon after some times,
we are still friends at last.

I truly believe that everyone does face such conflict.

Some complain that you are way too busy for them.
Some complain that you are dull, too serious, never want to join them.
Some complain that your religion  has occupied your time and restricted you from going certain places.
Some complain that you are not their type.
Some ditched you because they found someone whom they think is awesom-er that you are.
and some just left without any reason.

Just let it be part of your life, it's something that has taught you to be stronger.
LION HEART! <3

Jesus is our friend, if you feel lonely please tell him.
He is always there beside, and He is the ONLY one who ALWAYS beside you.

I understand that we can't live with ourselves, stay alone all the time.
But think about this,
You will never meet your true friends if you don't realize the fake ones.
Even small small things test them, and you will understand the whole picture.

Yeap! :)

However, don't make it a melancholy.
In my point of view, there's no such thing as FAKE friends,
maybe they just found someone who suits them more,
so why don't just bless them and move on?
Perhaps, God has reserved the best one for you? :) You gotta discover it yourself.
Let go and let God.
It will be better if you live with an opened heart. :)

Stressed = Desserts :)

My last blog post was really depressed, I know.
However, today after Leader Cell in church, once again God has reminded me about His words. :)
Psalms Chapter 23. :)

The Lord is my shepherd! And He will always be!

Therefore, I need not worry about my life and whatever.
I shall be with Him every time, every where.
Recovering now.

See, I'm not easily defeated because Jesus never ever leave me alone when I fell.
He's my supporter, my motivator as always.

Stress. :/

Struggling through adversities, and somehow I'm tired of being hardworking.
I  have no idea. Just wondering if my competitiveness has gone down.

Somehow, in my own thoughts,
if I lose my competitive ability, I would fell into a deep depression and feeling lost.

I know I shouldn't be that negative, but sometimes, things just don't go according to what I've planned.
Tried hard to be a successful person, but sometimes feel lonely because of my tolls.
When I try to get some life, there's no one for me to look for.
It's like a real slap on my face. Contradictions, oxymoron, that's how life usually comes to me.

Look at the bright side, would it be another pace for me to learn something new, something which is out of my expectations, something unexpected?

Monday to Sunday, got exhausted everyday.
Rushing everyday just to get everything done, ran out of fuel and still think I'm strong.

I know I shouldn't take it seriously what people have said about me.
Honestly, attempts to satisfy everyone is impossible.

Lecturer said that I'm not suitable to be in the kitchen.
It seems nothing. But I do not know why this sentence keep on recalling in my mind.
And flashbacks flow into my mind,
Studying really hard, being really focused on what I want, did researches on this field, apply for scholarships and loan, burn myself at the both ends, strive hard to be the top student, and in the end, it's something I don't wish to hear.
And someone telling me that I'm not meant for this.

Oouch. I know I'm such a easily heart break person.
At the moment, I was really disappointed like never before.
I lost my focus abruptly, and my mind was blank.
Is that mean that all my hard works are just fog?

I feel like, I'm nothing, an anonymous, I don't know who I am.

Dear Jesus, I'll commit these frustrations and confusion into your hand.

In Jesus name I pray, Amen. :)